In the last entry, I mentioned that it seemed like I cared about her more than she cared about me. She probably knows that because I make such an effort to do whatever makes her happy. There are times when I don't feel the same way. It could be because she's busy with her own life though.
I'm starting to see the things that I do which cause her to have power over me. Usually I'm the one who wants to see her via webcam or hear her voice because I miss her so much. She jokes around about how she doesn't miss me and laughs. Maybe not asking to see her would help. It's like the concept of not being the first person to message her. I hate to play mind games, but maybe this is what I have to do to regain some control of the relationship.
Today she received a letter that I sent her for our two month anniversary which is on Saturday. We webcammed and she wanted to open the letter. At first I told her not to because I wanted to wait until Saturday, but I gave in and let her because she wanted to see what was inside. Right after she saw everything that was inside, there was no "thanks" and it was a "okay I want to go to bed" (It was about 12:30am in Asia). Okay. Sure she had to sleep but she was willing to still webcam with me. And then she pointed the webcam away from her to a stuffed animal. We continued talking for a little bit and I asked her if she could face the webcam to her because I wanted to see her. Of course I asked politely, but she said no. She told me that she wanted me to beg and she laughed. It seemed like she enjoyed being in control. She admitted it too. I couldn't put up with that. So we stopped talking. Said bye. And I turned off the webcam.
It was like she enjoyed making me frustrated even though all I've ever done for her was make her happy. I don't get it. Did I give her too much control over me in the relationship? Or am I being too selfish by asking her for too much of her time?
Comments (4)
I think it's both. You are a sucker for her which isn't necessarily a bad thing but when she holds it over you like that, it is.
Efficient communication is key in the relationship.. & honestly, communication is all you two have in a relationship like this.
As difficult as it may be for you, perhaps you need to take a step back & stop trying so hard. Let her do some of the chasing so that it feels more balanced.. I dunno.. it doesn't sound too great to me. =\
@still_standing - Thanks for your insight. =) I have been taking a step back and so far (from the couple of times that we spoke this weekend) she initiated first... Definitely hard to tell what's going on since we don't interact too often anymore.
She does seem to have a little more control on the relationship; but sometimes girls like playing those games (getting the guy to beg, etc.) It's purely for fun and while she does know she is making you work, she may not know it is making you feel frustrated. What you can do is perhaps talk to her about it, or just stop giving her so much control... relationships need a little push and pull from each side in order to be balanced- its great you give more than she does because you want to put effort into this relationship.
However, if you want to continue giving, maybe try not to expect anything back, because too much expectations lead to disappointment - but I personally think that wouldn't lead to a healthy relationship. I would suggest just trying to regain a little more control in your relationship by stepping back a bit and not giving as much. Unfortunately, most girls (and guys) like things that aren't always so available to them. :'] Good luck in your relationship~~^^
@candiichan@xanga - Thanks for the advice! =) I have been taking a step back. I do realize that when I do the giving is what satisfies me up to the point to when it starts becoming a chore. I talked it over with her and it does seem that sometimes I can be overly sensitive to things. I think it's in my personality. I don't know.