The girlfriends that I have dated weren't virgins. They have had more sexual partners than I have had and I do not consider women who have had multiple sexual partners sluts nor do I consider sex a "dirty" thing. I can't help but to feel a little bad about it how they've slept with more people than I have though..
It was a personal lifestyle choice I made: No sex until after marriage. I was never religious. I think I was hung up on the whole Disney fairy tale thing. I lost my virginity to my first girlfriend. She pressured me and I regretted it for a while. After taking a sociology of sexuality class, I gained a more positive view about sex and I understand the many reasons why people would have sex before marriage whether it be for pure carnal pleasure or because they are in love with someone in a serious relationship. So now I think that I would be able to have sex with someone that I am in a serious relationship with and I don't think that I would be into one night stands or hooking up.
And somehow the thought of "virginity" still lingers in my mind as much as I try to get over it. Even if I saved my virginity until after marriage and married someone who was the same, who is to say that there couldn't be problems in the relationship? Virgins until after marriage might wonder how sex is with other people and might cheat on their spouse. Unfortunately, there are individuals who lose their virginity from being raped who don't have the option of saving their virginity for a special person. There could be someone who isn't a virgin who would treat you better than someone who is a virgin. And obviously, there are hundreds of more important things in this world than placing focus on virginity.
Someone told me their theory about why they think guys want to have sex with a virgin: "Guys want it because it's something really special a girl can give to a guy that they can never take away" which includes all the emotions and unique experience of the very first time whether extremely awkward or warm fuzzily romantic.
Part of me feels that if I did end up with someone who saved her virginity for me I would love her forever. I agree that a significant other's past doesn't matter and that the past helped create who a person is today. Even after knowing all of this I feel that part of me still can't get over this whole virginity thing. Someone slap some sense into my brain please.
Comments (7)
How old are u? Will u rather have ur gf's love or her virginity? Both will be a bonus but not an option ;p
I think that sex after marriage is a decision some people make, but to be honest i certainly do not agree. If you have experience, and so does your partner you both have knowledge on how much respect someone needs in that area, and at least you are not wondering your whole life 'What if..'. But, if its good, then why deprive yourself of it just because you want to save it for someone in the future, there are plenty ways of letting someone know how much you love them, and they dont have anything to do with sex.
@krazyapplelicious@xanga - I'm 22. This blog entry was more of a general feeling of a virginity. What I know about her sexual history doesn't change what I feel for her. I always thought that it's possible to have both. A girlfriend's love AND her virginity. It's like having a career that makes you happy AND earning a lot of money. But if I had to chose only one, I think it would be a girlfriend's love.
@IsItJustMe_x@xanga - Thanks for your insight. =) That is very true that there are many other ways to show love. I think my thoughts about virginity is more centered on the first experience of sex.
why do you feel like you're a relationship noob? It just doesn't come naturally?
My boyfriend told me once that me being a virgin when we had sex was a plus... just because I was never touched by anyone else. There's something about guys and territory and territory over a woman's body.
I'm tired of the virginity debate... its always on xanga. sorry =P
@samusso - Haha. I didn't realize that virginity was a debate on Xanga. I feel like a relationship noob because it's something that I don't have too much experience in. For some it takes practice. I mean.. I've only dated two girls and I think around my age people have dated more than that. And I don't know if my thing is about being territorial over a woman's body. Honestly, I wouldn't want to have sex with someone unless I knew for sure that I was in love and doing it for the right reasons.
i like your open mindset but i don't think you should linger onto the
past and worry so much about being this "virginity complex".
ah i'm 21 yrs old , female and a virgin. well, semi-virgin.
i've done oral sex but not intercourse & i'm saving myself for marriage.
and i guess it's really strange when i'm with guys because they don't really think i'm a virgin because i do oral.
at first i was trying to be someone i wasn't and wanted to be like everyone else [having sex]... but now i'm proud to be who i am and i'm proud to be a virgin.
also, i think i'm more of a "noob" than you.
i've been with 6 guys but never been in a relationship & never had a boyfriend.
in a sense, i want to save myself for marriage because basically when i give oral to a guy, i don't think about any passion - i just do it. mostly i just do it if i like the taste of a guy and the taste of guy's dick... otherwise i don't do it or i'm not into it. i mostly do it for me, more so than for a guy's satisfaction.
yeah i'm strange & complicated. it's a long story.
good luck with your deal!
@relationshipnoob - well... he just admitted that it was a "plus" but also said he would love me anyways if I wasn't a virgin. All in all, we had sex because we were ready and loved each other. I don't see the difference between waiting to get married and knowing you're going to get married and doing it. Either way, life is unpredictable and some people end up waiting for marriage and then getting divorce or giving it up before marriage and end up breaking it off. It's all preference... who knows? Maybe you'll meet a girl who'll make you feel like you're a relationship expert and then you'll feel differently about sex. ;)