I tried to prepare for PMS #3 after the last two times of PMS caused a lot of drama. I was going to have a friend in Asia help me out by sending her flowers and chocolate around the time when her PMS started (Thank you PMSBuddy.com for the reminder), but I decided not to last minute. We've only been together for about 2 and a half months and I think I'm smothering her because I have sent her about 3 letters in the mail. It seems like I'm always the one doing things for her whereas she is not really reciprocating. I know I have a tendency to be a bit extreme, which might originate from my perfectionist tendencies, and go all out for people that I care about. The problem with my actions is that people might not be able to match up with what I do so to me it feels like they're not putting in as much effort as I am. In the end, it's probably best that unrealistic expectations aren't placed on people.
Last week she had a couple tests so I didn't want to bug her when she had to study and get what she had to do done. She said that we would MAYBE talk during the end of the week. It hasn't happened yet. I left a message on her phone, but she hasn't responded in any form. We usually contact each other via email, phone, or MSN. This is the first time we haven't had contact with each other for almost a week.
I productively spent this past week job hunting. I'm trying hard to find a job in Asia so that I can be closer to her and most of the English teaching jobs there require a one year contract. I also spent this week trying to maintain connections with close friends. I remember being so absorbed into my girlfriend's life that I lacked effort in maintaining my friends and had these stupid thoughts about how they didn't really care about me. I'm working towards living a more balanced life.
In general, I think my mind is a little clearer than before. I miss her a lot, but there's no urgent need to see her via webcam or hear her voice. I'm a little worried about how she hasn't tried to contact me back though. I've been stopping my paranoid, destructive thoughts so I don't drive myself crazy. I hope she's doing okay.
Comments (1)
haha.. round 3.
glad things are getting better..
hope she gets back to you soon!!