My girlfriend wants to see a picture of my first and only ex-girlfriend. Initially I thought it was no big deal. I wanted to show her when I was in person with her in Asia. But then through other interactions with it, she appeared to be sad if I mentioned anything about my ex. I realized that it might be okay not to discuss exes in some relationships.
So here I am in Asia now. She and I are currently living together and it's been fine for the most part. Today she brought up the thing about wanting to see a picture of my ex. I told her that I didn't want to anymore. There's no sense in getting sad from partners of the past who don't matter anymore. Especially since I no longer speak and no longer want to have anything to do with my ex. My girlfriend still insisted to see a picture of my ex.
There are several reasons I don't want her to see my ex. I don't want her to get sad. I don't want her to feel insecure. I don't want her to compare herself to her. I don't want her to get paranoid if she sees someone that resembles her in real life.
I don't know what to do because she seems a little irritated that I won't show her. I guess to her, it's no big deal. What are the reasons a girlfriend would want to see pictures of an ex? If I saw pics of my partner's ex I would get a mental image of them, or something to that effect, and not want to know anything else about the ex.
Comments (7)
I wouldn't want to see a picture of my boyfriend's ex...perhaps for her it's different. Tell her the reasons that she probably shouldn't see it and see what she says?
I did the same with my boyfriend (of 4 years) a few months ago. I just wanted to see what she looked like, mostly to see how pretty or not pretty she was. Your girlfriend may have different reasons of wanting to see your ex, but she may just want to put a face to a person who had a part of your life once.
If you do end up showing her the picture, think about what you'll say to her after she sees it. Make sure after she sees the picture, that you reassure her that she is so much better than your ex, that you don't talk to or want anything to do with your ex, etc. That way you'll be covered and she'll have no reason to be angry.
Hope this helps!
oh wow that's a move!
well i was secretly curious what my boyfriend's ex looked like because they were together for a couple years and i know she was very important to him. but i didn't want ot straightforward ask him so instead i asked to looked at old photos and found pictures of  his two exes accidentally when going through all of them. there were actually only a couple pictures in his mom stack of the girl he dated for over 2 years, so i didn't feel too bad. and when i found it and asked who she was he told me but obviously didn't want to linger on it. for me wanting to see/know is all about wanting to get to know a person better. i would show him any pictures of exes if he asked, but he hasnt, and some people would just rather things stay in unspoken. i think by refusing to show her you're implring you still have feelings or something though and that's why you don't want to share. so i think you are better off just showing her even if you want to explain why she might not want to see first, she's not a kid and she can make her own choices.
In my case, I had known my boyfriend's ex-girlfriends (not well, but I'd seen them, I guess I should say that instead of "known") so I didn't have this problem. Regardless, I did compare myself to them. I'd assume your gf wants to do the same thing. If it's really bothering her that much, show her the picture. She'll either feel better about herself because she'll think the girl is ugly/skanky/whatever she'll come up with, or she'll get really insecure because she'll think that your ex was so much prettier or better than her.
If she seems to be negatively effected by seeing the picture, just make sure she knows that she is who you want, not your ex, and that you left your ex in the past and she is your present/future (depending on how serious you are, I don't know). That's probably all she wants anyway is a little reassurance of her importance in your life.
If she gets sad, maybe you should get rid of the picture. Why do you still have a pic of you and your ex?
@Fluxuater@xanga - Yeah I did. She still wanted to see them. I ended up showing it to her and she was fine. Nothing bad happened so it was all good. =)
@sjnjld0716 - Thanks for the advice! After showing the picture to her, she turned out to remain the same. She didn't express any insecurities or anything like that. I'm glad it turned out okay.
@zoedark@xanga - Yup yup. She's a big girl and she took it well. Thanks for sharing your experience. =)
@scrapbook_romance - Thanks for the advice! She took it well. Ditto to what I commented to people above this comment. Haha.
@chPanda@xanga - I didn't still have the picture. She wanted me to show her A picture of the ex which was found on her MySpace. I'm no longer friends with my ex on any social networking website. All ties are cut.
i saw a picture of my ex-girlfriend for the first time in a year and it wasnt a nice as they say "normal picture" it was really nasty and for some stupid reason i feel sad. what it wrong with me?