Ha. It appears nobody reads this anymore since I have neglected to continue writing in this on a consistent basis.
As of late, the basis of my life decisions have been because of HER. I want to move to Asia permanently to be with her. Technically it's my own motivation to be with her since I know for a fact that being in a relationship is all I have ever wanted. I haven't dated much and that's probably why I've fought so hard to make this relationship work. Right now she's busy with a lot of her own work and academic activities so it's hard to find a time when we can both talk. We both know that each of us has our own life/future/planning productive things to do.
I have been doing some thinking lately about how it would be like if I didn't have a partner. Would I still want to go live abroad to teach English? Perhaps. It's what I wanted prior to graduating college. But now I'm seeing a lot of my friends from college moving towards graduate school or starting a career. I feel like I'm left behind. The naive thought would be "having a girlfriend will make everything better" but that isn't true. I need to take care of myself and make sure my own needs are met independently from her.
I was reflecting upon how it was when I was single for four years before I entered this relationship. I found my source of motivation through a few good friends. When they weren't available I found inspiration from quotes and useful advice I would read from blogs. So it would seem that I need to return to the basics of taking care of myself and I did just that. There's plenty of things on my to do list that needs to get done. Realistically, I can't always listen to my feelings no matter how difficult it is not to give in. I have to do what is necessary to ensure my own survival and hopefully in the future my survival plus one or more (a wifey and kids?).
I think it's always good to go back to the basics if you're lost. Regain some focus and discipline. Figure out what's really important. And do your best to accomplish the goal(s).
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